Not Enough Babies

There's an anxiety in Australia right now about the birthrate. Not enough babies, we're told almost every day, are being born. When the current crop of twenty- and thirty-somethings hit retirement there'll be no money in the coffers for their pensions cause there won't be enough young people paying taxes. Not enough babies.

Our birthrate is low. Not Italy low, but way down there. Australia is doomed.

There are all sorts of suggestions about how to fix this dreadful, not-enough-babies problem. The federal government has been considering paying women $11,000 a year for four years to have a baby. Bettina Arndt suggested the other day that if more people were married there'd be more babies. There's talk about better paid maternity leave, expanded medicare for small children, a campaign to convince young women that being pregnant gives you great skin, or a higher IQ, and that after the second baby is born (got to have two babies, you see) you'll wind up much, much thinner.

I'm unconvinced there's a problem with a low birth rate. Don't get me wrong, I love babies and children (well, okay I don't love all of them—there are definitely some bad seeds out there—any more than I love all people). I support decent maternity leave for working parents. Parenting is ridiculously hard and that should be recognised. People with kids should get a break whether they're working or at home. Every workplace with parents should have creches. I've no objection to my childless tax dollars being spent on such worthy causes, but I'm not wild about my taxes being spent bribing people to breed.

For most of history having a baby hasn't been a choice. Now in the West most people can choose and—surprise, surprise—lots are deciding against. Babies are expensive, limit your mobility and eat vast chunks of your time. The reasons why the birth rate has fallen everywhere contraception is available are not hard to find.

Here in Australia the moaning and groaning about the fall in population is out of control. Leaving aside the fact that most of my friends are breeding up a storm (don't try to visualise that image—it will hurt your head) and it's hard to get into my favourite café, Hopscotch, without tripping over small children (many of whom look disturbingly like Midwich Cukoos), isn't there another much cheaper way to boost the population of potential tax-payers to cover my costs when I'm over eighty and drooling and throwing things in the nursing home? (Which is not to say that I believe all people over eighty drool and behave in this way. None of the ones I know do. I just imagine that's how I'll be. I like throwing things and I have rubbery lips.) Isn't there a well-known, non-baby-making, population-increasing method that pretty much made this country what it is?

What about increasing immigration?

The Australian government has recently announced that they plan to do just that. However, the bulk of the increase is in skilled migration. I'd like to see an increase in migration of people with lots of babies and small children. (And preferably with melatonin-laden skin—got to keep those skin cancer rates falling). Hey presto, problem solved.

Many people will object on the grounds that a huge increase in our migrant population will change Australia. That's true, it will. Every previous large influx has. Those darned Irish in particular. Imagine how little gambling and drinking there'd be if we hadn't let in too many Emerald Isle folk way back when? Too late now.
As late as the 50s Catholics and Protestants still didn't mix well in this country. One marrying the other was considered a mixed marriage. The Italian post-war influx was supposed to destroy Australia what with their Mafia and strange food. The Vietnamese boat people likewise.

Instead they've all followed the same basic pattern. First generation—those not born in Australia—group together and try to preserve their language and culture in a strange land. Second generation—those who are born here—goes along with this a bit, but want to fit in with other Australians (in all their colourful variety), because, well, they are Australians. Third generation Aussies are solidly monolingual (pity that) like the rest of us.

I like living in a society where I interact with people of all ages. Sometimes in NYC I get a little sad cause you so rarely see anyone under eighteen. That's the lovely thing about motsa immigration: even with a falling birth rate you still get lots of kids around. You just import them.

Sydney, 8 April 2004

© 2004 Justine Larbalestier

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